We’re talking about Day 2 now, even though this is Day 3, just to make sure we’re all on the same page…
Every evening, provided there’s actually anything scheduled, you’re given a sheet detailing the following day’s activities. The sheet I received before heading to bed Wednesday night promised me a blood test in the morning and rehabilitation at 11 AM – other than that I would be left to my own devices.
The curtain around my bed was gently eased open at a ridiculously early hour and a soothing female voice cooed my name. I dreamily raised my head just enough to find the beautiful naked lady waiting to crawl into bed with me and instead saw a nurse with a rather large needle. Too tired to do much but lay there slightly bitter that this was real life where you have nurses and needles and not a dream where you have beautiful naked ladies crawling into your bed, I stared off into space while she took my blood…
And took it…
And took it…
And just when I was beginning to notice that her canines *were* unusually long & pointed, she finished and glided away out of the room and down the hall.
Activity One – Draw Blood: Complete
Time of day: 7:14 AM
They certainly don’t mess around – bleed ’em while they’re still groggy, that way they can’t fight back!
To her credit though she did an excellent job, certainly the least amount of discomfort I’ve ever felt during such affairs.
8 AM soon arrived and with it my breakfast. The food is quite edible here, if understandably bland. We wouldn’t want the geriatrics to mutiny now would we?
After breakfast my darling nurse Masako-san arrived to take my blood pressure, temperature, and ask me how many times I had crapped and peed the day before – charming.
At 11 AM I trotted down the hall to the rehab room where I was the youngest patient present by at least 35 years. Matsumoto-san, dignified & seasoned head of physical therapy and the poor soul appointed to tame this stallion, introduced herself. I was then commanded to prostrate myself on a table while she assessed my lower body strength and flexibility. All was going well until we got to my hamstrings…
*I’m on my back, Matsumoto-san is stretching my leg upwards…*
Drew: Ow, too far!
M-san: Are you kidding?
Drew: No! That’s it!
M-san: This is horrible flexibility!
Drew: Uhh, it’s because I’m tall…
M-san gives me the unmistakeable “you are SO full of shit!” look…
Drew: You short people don’t know, it’s hard being tall!
And that did it, the dam was broken. Up until then I had been given the neutral working personality, detached you could say. This shameful and yet playful insult on my part washed that all away and uncovered a smiling, sarcastic, wise-cracking old lady. From there on out it was a battle of one-liners…
*sitting doing leg lifts with weights on my thigh…*
M-san: How many is that?
Drew: 45, how many should I do?
M-san: How many do you think you can do?
Drew: At least 10,000…
*audible guffaws from several old women across the room*
Later…
*I’m riding the stationary bike, M-san comes over and cranks up the resistance lever with a sneaky grin…*
M-san: Is that better?
Drew: I guess so, but maybe if I could ride at an angle, like uphill!
Anyhow, they threw me out of rehab at 11:45, that’s gonna be the highlight of my day for sure…
After rehab I had lunch and then showered, and pissed around until my darling girlfriend Ma Li arrived at 2:30 with a bunch of provisions from my apartment.
The rest of the day just slowly crept on by. Ma Li and I chatted from time to time with the doctors who stopped by – I’m very popular you know! And we spent a good chunk of time studying English & Chinese together, as is our want.
Visitors have to be out by 8 but Ma Li left at 7 to head to work, and I spent the rest of the evening reading and typing up the day’s journal…
Day 3, Today!
Today was my first full day alone in the hospital. There are tons of people here of course, by alone I mean no visitors. Masako-san had the day off today so our usual morning blood pressure/body temp/poop count conversation was instead conducted with a very young nurse who had more giggles and blushes in her than actual Japanese words.
Rehab at 11 AM again was my only scheduled activity. I did background reading for my thesis until then, thoroughly enjoyed another session with Matsumoto-san, then did the lunch & shower thing.
I studied Chinese most of the afternoon and then sneakily unpacked my shamisen and managed to get through 2 softly-played songs before the head nurse, a quite frosty old bird, busted me. She had flatly told me upon arrival that I couldn’t play it anywhere in the hospital because it would disturb others, but I felt like challenging her hearing anyway. Even while the Senior Dancing Champion of Western Japan listened in delight on the edge of his bed, she shut me down hard.
And the rest of the day was spent studying Japanese…
Some random bits:
- soon to be Dr. Walter has informed me that studies have indeed shown assigned nurses minimize the risk of dementia in elderly patients. In other words, some clowns in white coats got good money to discover what I figured out in only 3 hours! Who knew this journal was so full of valuable insight? I should charge for admission!
- the Disaffected Japanese Youth spent all afternoon carousing with his girlfriend, who was kind enough to bring him his Playstation 2 which he is playing on his TV as I type. I hate you, sir. You know what though? He drinks out of a Thomas the Tank Engine & Friends coffee mug, and that ain’t cool in ANY country, not even Japan. LOSER!
And that’s that folks. Tomorrow my main surgeon and I go over my new MRI results, and Monday I get my anesthesiology orientation in preparation for Tuesday afternoon’s surgery. Apparently it’s standard procedure here to give the epidural BEFORE the general anesthesia. Now I’ve had many things stuck in many places on my body, including an STD swab test – guys, if you’ve had one you know – but the idea of a long needle near the base of my spine has NEVER sat well with me. Per my request, they are considering administering the general anesthesia first – let’s hope they agree!
See you tomorrow!