Underneath every aspect of APU life there has been one thing, one theme, one reality that is so constant that it simply cannot be denied. In fact, the existence of the thing of which I speak is so certain that it might as well be considered the genesis of Truth itself. That thing… is wind. Laugh not at this seemingly simple observation. I have heard of places on this fair planet that are what you might call “windy.” Chicago seems to be one place in particular that carries with it a sort of mythos of moving air…

I have never been there, but I would wager that my humble patch of real estate atop this nameless mountain is just a tad bit windier. How do I know this? Two recent examples come to mind:

• All evening yesterday, all night, and most of this morning it snowed – our first snow of the season as it happens. It is only logical to assume that even the *tiniest* of flakes would have begun to accumulate to some degree after a modest 16 hour assault. And I would agree with that hypothesis, provided it was never applied to this cursed campus. You see, at the same time that it snowed for nigh 16 hours straight up here, the wind was (as usual) mercilessly lashing the buildings, trees, and anyone stupid enough to step outside – so much so in fact that the snow was actually moving horizontally. Thus, I was fortunate enough to witness an unusual phenomenon – snow was falling, per say, but due to the wind it never actually hit the ground. As it neared the road, grass, whatever, it was just whipped back up into the air by the wind and on down towards Beppu… So, 16 hours of hard snowfall, with frozen ground, but no accumulation.
• Second reason this is the windiest place in the world: noise. I have never in my life visited a place that was so absurdly windy that the sound of the wind buffeting against the windows, walls, and roof can be heard at any time in any building you enter. We have our own personal soundtrack here at APU, and its swooooosh swush swoosh swish swooooosh 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Right this minute the mercury is hovering right around 20F outside, and with the wind chill we’re easily below zero. As it happens there are all sorts of entertaining things you can do in this sort of weather…

Here’s a good one – go outside with a buddy, and start talking, both of you, at the same time. It doesn’t matter what you’re saying, just make sure you’re giving a normal monologue at a normal volume. Last night I lasted talking like this for about 20 seconds before the constant influx of cold air made my mouth so numb I could no longer form words. Naturally the loser is the first one to sound like he’s brain damaged. It usually goes something like this: “Man class today really sucked, I had done the homework but I didn’t really understand it and it didnt halp thet dah teechah izznt berhy helffull, ohh shzzt, mai mouff izs nummm, iftf lostfh…”

As you can imagine, such weather is not exactly conducive to students voluntarily hopping out of bed and running to class with enthusiasm overflowing from sparkling eyes. On the contrary, the scene in the 4th Floor kitchen all day has been one of weary, broken souls huddled over slowly steaming cups of cocoa. Occasionally a poor soldier would check his timepiece, shake his head in resignation, and shuffled off towards the gaping maw to icy hell that was our front door today, only to be replaced 10min later by a new raft of frozen refugees who had just returned from class.

We are cold here, but we do not complain, for we are APU students, and we are awesome.